Casualty of Love Read online

  “Mom! I can stay by myself.”

  “I know you can, but indulge your old mother, won’t you? If I left you alone, I would be anxious.”

  He sighed, and rolled his eyes, as if he was putting up with a grave injustice. “Fine. I’ll get my bag.”

  “Thank you, baby.” At least she wouldn’t have to worry about him being alone while she was gone.

  She prepared the last batch and boxed them up. She would drop them off to their owners after she left Jayden at his friend’s house. There wasn’t much time to spare. Quickly, she gathered her purse and the boxes.

  Her son strode out from his room, carrying his school bag. “I’ll finish my homework over there.”

  She checked her reflection in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable enough for the meeting. The crisp buttermilk-white shirt she wore looked a little wilted, but it would have to do. At least, her coat was of good quality—the last gift Seth gave her before he died. She kept it in good condition, knowing that she couldn’t afford to buy another if something happened to it. Circles lined her dark eyes, but her espresso brown hair looked shiny and silky. They curled and swayed, touching past her shoulders. She plucked her natural lip gloss out of her cosmetic bag and smoothed it over her lips. Her high cheekbones didn’t need blush and her apricot colored skin still seemed as flawless as the day she married. Thanks to her daily routine of drinking many glasses of water as well as eating lots of fruits and vegetables. Her hazel eyes were her best feature, in her opinion and she’d taken the trouble to line them with a warm, neutral brown eyeliner.

  Well, this is as good as it gets.

  “You’re a good boy.” Jenna delivered a kiss on her son’s head when they got to his friend’s house. “Did I tell you that you’re my sunlight and my star?”

  “Mom!” He hurried out of the car, but not before she caught the grin on his face. It didn’t matter how old he was, he was still her baby.

  She then delivered the cupcakes to her client and gratefully accepted the payment. Every little bit counts. Once her bakery was up and running, her worries would be over. Sure, she wouldn’t have much time and wiggle room in the first year. All new businesses took time to do well, but she felt confident in her abilities and wanted to provide the best for her son.

  Once she entered the bank, she gave her name to the receptionist. “I’ve got a three o’clock meeting with Mr. Graham.”

  “Please take a seat, ma’am. I’ll tell him that you’re here.” The girl’s smile came off as sweet, albeit a bit professional.

  Jenna sat on a couch. She crossed her fingers...then chuckled at her childish gesture and uncrossed them. She really needed this chance. If she got this opportunity, she would show the world what she was capable.

  I’m going to rock it!

  She waited and waited. By god, she felt like she’d waited forever. Bored, she picked up a magazine and flipped through the pages, barely registering the pictures and articles in it. She could’ve taken on some extra baking work and made some money in these two hours. But then, this might be an opportunity of a lifetime and patience was something she lacked when it came to waiting.

  Finally, she was called. She adjusted her navy-blue pencil skirt before she strolled in to meet the man who would decide her future. Then, the consultant made her wait for another ten minutes. Jenna tapped her fingers on her thigh as she waited for him to finish his phone call. After having waited for almost two hours for this meeting, she felt as if her nerves were stretched to the breaking point. Why couldn’t he move this along a little faster?

  The burly, dark-haired man who leaned against his seat didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all. His gaze flicked over her and he lifted his lips in a tiny smile, as if humbly apologizing for the delay.

  She could tell though, that he didn’t really care. She was just another client in the bank, just another poor customer, who came here looking for a break.

  Sure, I don’t have the money, but I’m full of zest and have an iron will...nothing or no one is going to keep me from my goals.

  With a surreptitious gaze, she checked her watch—already five in the evening. She could have utilized this time in a more productive manner. But she couldn’t afford to walk out. It didn’t matter if he made her wait for another two hours. She would stick it out.

  The consultant finally put down his phone. “Ms. Dickerson? Sorry about that.” His gaze briefly touched the phone and then back at her. “An important client.” He leaned closer. “Now, what can I do for you?”

  “It’s Jenna Dixon,” she reminded him. After Seth’s death, she reverted back to her maiden name. She met the consultant barely two weeks ago to submit her business plan. Did he forget her already? “I came here regarding the loan I wanted.”

  “Loan?” he raised an eyebrow as if this was the first time he heard the request. “Let me take a look at your file.” Opening a drawer, he pulled out the folder and flipped the pages. “Ahh! Yes, I remember now. I read your plan. It was very well-presented.”

  Is that a good sign?

  Hope flared in her heart. “Thank you.” Even though her lips felt as if they were stuck together, she forced herself to smile. If she didn’t get this, all her plans would fall to dust. “I spent a lot of time on it. The cash flows, costing, projected profits, timeline, everything has been done properly.”

  “Yes. I saw that. It’s rare that a woman can keep her thoughts so organized.” He laughed as if he made a joke. “I was quite impressed with your hard work.”

  Doesn’t he know he’s being extremely insulting to women? “Thank you.”

  His gaze settled on her lips and traveled down to her cleavage that could barely be seen in the shirt she wore.

  She could feel his eyes stripping her. Jenna squirmed. She wanted to get up and leave, but a myriad of thoughts kept her glued to the seat. Her loan. Jayden and her future. Her plans. Calm down, Jenna! You need him on your side.

  Mr. Graham cleared his throat. “There’s one problem, though.”

  She could sense the words before he said them.

  “I’ve gone over your application backward and forward and there are just not enough assets to cover the bank’s liability.”

  She bit her bottom lip in order to quiet her frayed nerves. “But I have a car.”

  His smile was almost a smirk. “Your car doesn’t even cover a quarter of it, Ms. Dixon. Are you married? Perhaps your husband could give a personal guarantee?”

  “I’m a widow. My husband died five years ago.” On Christmas Eve, she wanted to add, but didn’t. He wouldn’t want to know that. Somehow, it made it seem worse. The fact that Seth died on that particular day added an insult to the whole drama of his death. Nothing bad was supposed to happen at this time of the year, but her world came to an end—and it appeared to be on a downward spiral from then on.

  Probably her punishment for not doing enough for her husband. No! I’m not going to go down that road again, at least not right now. It wouldn’t serve any purpose. She needed her wits about her to convince Mr. Graham that she would be able to handle repaying the loan.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  If he’d bothered to read the papers with care, he would have known this fact. But what could she expect from a man who got paid to toss people’s dreams aside?

  She leaned forward. “But I’m confident that I can make the payments on time.” How could she convince him to take a chance on her? Couldn’t he see how determined she was? Didn’t that matter? What was the whole point of having all this money if they weren’t willing to take a risk on people who were organized and skillful, but just needed a little help? Didn’t she spend her nights making and perfecting her business plan? And took culinary classes at night while holding down two jobs? How much more resolve did she have to show to get this project going?

  “I’m afraid we can’t take a chance based on your confidence.” His lips lifted in a smile that seemed to be really a sneer in disguise. Clearly, he’d spent enough of his time on her and now, he just wanted her to leave.

  How could she give up after coming this far? Please, god! Let this work.

  “Please!” She pleaded, clinging on to the last shreds of her dignity with great difficultly. “This is extremely important. I’ve been working toward this goal for the past two years. I’ve got some money saved but I just need some more...”

  “Sorry, Ms. Dixon.” He put his hands on the table. “There isn’t much that I can do. My hands are tied. I do have another client waiting...” He pointed behind her where an overweight, pot-bellied man stood with a file in his hand. He got up. “If you’ll just excuse me...”

  Even though tears pricked at the back of her eyes, Jenna stood. There wasn’t much that she could do. All her hopes and dreams just went down the drain in a meeting that she took two years to prepare for and it was over in less than ten minutes. He didn’t even give her a chance to explain her numbers, the projections and her figures. Did all that matter so little?

  For a person who barely could make ends meet, each breath she took felt like a battle.

  Sometimes, she felt as if she were weighed down by a ton of responsibilities.

  Her throat felt clogged. She could barely breathe. As she walked into the foyer on the way to the exit, her gaze took in the feisty, cheerful Christmas tree that was bedecked with bright, colorful decorations. Bright red and silver balls, tinsel, fiery lights, and even a twinkling white angel sat atop it—the perfect Christmas cheer. After all, Christmas was only a few weeks away.

  For her, it seemed like a lifetime away.

  She would never feel like it was a season for fun and joy, for good cheer or hope, ever again. Ever since Seth died, Christmas became associated with pain and death, regret and guilt. The guilt in particular seemed to be relentless, never ending and agonizingly real.

  As she neared the door, Jenna stiffened her spine. She wasn’t going to get sucked into that vortex of blame and remorse. Anger reared its violent head. How dare this Mr. Graham assume that she wasn’t capable of making something out of her life? She was a strong and independent woman. All she needed was a chance and someone’s belief in her to get the ball rolling. She would manage the rest with hard work and unyielding will.

  Nothing is going bring me down!

  Perhaps, she would apply to another bank? Yeah. That’s what she would do.

  When she strode out, Jenna was shocked by the snow that piled up on the roads during her stay in the bank. A snowstorm swirled outside. Quickly, she walked over to the car in the freezing temperature. The snow that appeared so beautiful and uplifted her mood in the morning depressed her now. She sat in the car, shut the door and inserted the key into the ignition.

  The key failed to turn in the cylinder. She checked to make sure that the parking brake was engaged. Everything seemed okay on that end. She tried again, but the key didn’t budge. She inhaled a deep breath, in an attempt to calm her nerves, and then she expelled it slowly.

  She decided on a different tactic; she turned the steering wheel, left and right, to loosen the wheels in case they were stuck on one side, then she tried the key again. The engine sputtered to life, and then—died. “No. You useless lump!” she grumbled as she tried again. “Don’t do this to me!”

  After the fourth try, the engine came to life and she slid the car out of the parking lot. She fought the tears that prickled at the back of her eyes. I’m not going to cry. No way! Even in her worst of times, Jenna never felt this weak. She held herself together for Jayden’s sake. It was important to look ahead, to do something, to keep moving forward. There wasn’t much else she could do. She must resign herself to the fact that she would be stuck working two jobs, taking baking work on the side to supplement her income, so she could give a few luxuries to her son. She would never have enough time to devote to her child.

  With this rejection, her life suddenly seemed drab, hopeless.

  Soon, she was parked in front of Matthew’s house. His mother greeted her at the door. “Thank you, Nancy. I’m sorry it took so long.”

  “No problem.” Nancy ruffled Jayden hair. “He’s a good boy. They finished their homework.”

  She led her son back to the car.

  He opened the door. “Did you get the loan?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s—they said I needed to have someone who would agree to repay the loan if I can’t pay it myself.” She didn’t see any point in sugarcoating the truth. Jayden was as invested in this project as she was. “But we’ll make it happen soon.”

  He settled into his seat and buckled up. “Yeah. You can do it, mom!”

  Could she?

  Jenna didn’t think so. It was stupid of her to have imagined she could upgrade their life. Something like that was never going to happen. Once she got home, she dumped the business plan file in the dustbin. She wouldn’t need it anymore. She would never have enough assets to secure a loan and without that, she would not be able to start her business.

  A waste of time!

  She would never do something like this again. It was better to concentrate on her jobs and her side orders. She shouldn’t have been so ambitious in the first place. Maybe this was her punishment for not helping Seth. She should’ve been more emotionally available and tried harder with him. Maybe this was god’s way of telling her that she didn’t deserve any good thing in her life.

  Her thoughts wandered to Lance’s unexpected arrival at her doorstep. No...He wasn’t for her. She simply couldn’t afford any distractions or complications at this time in her life. It would be better to do what she was good at and focus on her son.

  She had her chance at happiness and she lost it because of her lack of initiative when Seth got home from the army. If she’d given him more support, he might have lived. She should’ve been a better wife and now, she was even lacking as a mother. It was her job to give the best to her son and she failed to do so.

  They were living from paycheck to paycheck. And there would never ever be a change in that status. She didn’t have much hope left. This was destined to be one of the worst Christmases ever since Seth died.

  Her life was a big, fat mess.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Ridden by guilt and confusion, Lance made his way home in a cab. Not telling his wife he was coming back to town for good wasn’t the best idea. But he wanted to surprise her.

  Yet, something in his mind and heart forced him to stop over at Jenna’s home. Definitely not one of his most brilliant moves! It did look odd. Who walks in after a year and goes to his best friend’s widow’s house? Crazy, impulsive and downright stupid. Sure, he’d convinced himself that he wanted to pay his respects to Seth by checking up on his wife and son, but one glance at Jenna told him, his motives weren’t all that altruistic.

  He’d always been attracted to her. When Seth asked her out, Lance gracefully stepped back. No woman would ever ruin his friendship with Seth. They were like brothers, tight and close. But seeing him with Jenna always stung a bit. Lance swallowed his disappointment and applauded their marriage. He was the best man at the wedding ceremony...and Jayden’s godfather. If Seth had lived, Lance wouldn’t even allow himself to think of Jenna in such a way.

  It still felt wrong, especially when he was married to another woman. He loved Lisa. Or do I? Of course, he loved her. They hadn’t seen each other for more than a year. Naturally, he would feel a bit of hesitation before he went home.

  Yeah? If that were the reason, why the heck did he feel like this ever since knocking on Jenna’s door? The truth was he never got Jenna out of his heart and mind. It should’ve been his wife who occupied his thoughts but for a couple of years now, it was Jenna. He felt determined though, to put a stop to this nonsense. His wife deserved his complete and utter devotion and commitment. He wouldn’t cheat on her, not even emotionally and silently.

  Determined to make his marriage work, he pressed the bell on his door. He was here now and he would make it work. They would be happy together and everything would fall into place. He longed to have a regular, normal life, no more lonely days and nights chasing the bad guys all over the world. His commitment to his wife was now absolute, final.

  His beautiful wife opened the door. She squealed and her hand flew to her chest. Her champagne-blonde hair curled around her lean face and her blue eyes bulged.

  They both gaped at each other.

  For a full minute, his mind didn’t work. He couldn’t reconcile what he saw with what he thought he would see. His gaze remained on her mid-section. Her protruding belly.

  Lisa was pregnant—darn it—heavily pregnant.

  And he hadn’t been home in a year. Darn! Darn! And double darn! He strode in, dropped his bag on the steel-gray rug in the foyer and folded his arms over his chest. A landscape painting hung on one wall. A transparent glass jar, brimming with white roses, sat on the wooden table. This house seemed warm and cozy. Once he’d loved the fact that she fussed over every little ornament she bought, but now he hated everything about their so-called home and her. How could she do this to him? This was insane. “Whose baby is it?”

  She swept a hand through her hair.

  Her lean face that once aroused desire disgusted him now. This sexy, beautiful woman became his nemesis. She destroyed his life with one single blow. He was better off in the battlefield. At least when the enemy fired, he was prepared. Her betrayal cut him right down without a warning.

  She appeared flabbergasted to see him at the door. “Lance! You—what are you doing here?”

  He sneered. Of course, she was surprised to see him. Was she shacking up with the father of this baby? Was the bastard in his house right now? His ears pricked as he listened for any tiny sound that would betray the presence of her lover, but there was no noise. Either he was too smart by keeping quiet or else, she was alone.

  Either way, he wasn’t going to stick around for long. “Yeah, I’m sure you were happy to see the back of me. Probably wished I died out there in some battle, so you could continue to live your life,” he spat out the words while pain throbbed in his gut. The searing agony felt worse than a gunshot wound—he should know. He’d gotten hit more than once in the line of duty. The pain he felt then was nothing compared to what was happening inside of him right now.